The Three Ws: What, Why and How

Mental health has become a very common and a critical topic. For 20 years of my life, I was fit and fine mentally. But soon after I turned 20 (in 2022), my life turned upside down. I am not afraid to talk or write about it because now severe anxiety issues have been a consistent part of my life. Honestly, I lost a lot during this one year. I had to fight many battles, accept the loss of people, adjust to a whole new environment, and manage my daily schedule while dealing with insomnia at night. 

As an individual, I am a very ambitious, creative and productive person. I loved keeping myself engaged in one thing or the other. That's how even after being in school, I began freelancing during my free hours. I learnt the art of time management and began planning out long-term and short-term goals for myself. Born and brought up in a strict environment, I was not allowed to make friends and did not get the exposure as an individual that I deserved. I used to tell to myself that someday when it will be time to get into a college, no matter what, I am going to go to a different city or a different country so that I get a chance to explore the world without any restrictions over my head. I never lost hope, when things went haywire, I supported myself and encouraged myself by repeating the same statement "one day I am going to get out of this place and then things might get better."

Fast forwarding to March 2022- a lot of things happened at the same time- the reopening of the college, shifting to another city, witnessing a whole new environment, letting go of close ones, experiencing insomnia, AND WELCOMING SEVERE ANXIETY ISSUES! Let me explain to you what is it like to experience anxiety initially- When something is brand new, you are unaware of its usage. You take your time to understand its pros and cons. With time, you get used to it. You then know how it works, and how it affects you (if in any way it does). For me, this is how accepting anxiety felt. Initially, all I knew was that this is the greatest magnitude of hurt that I have ever felt. I could not process anything. Everything stopped making sense. Going to bed felt scary because of the thoughts of the battles that I would have to fight the next day. Waking up and moving out of bed was difficult. Almost 90% of my day went without having any food or even water for that matter. It was as if a part of me had died.

There is this beautiful song titled “A song I wrote after therapy” by Harry Hudson, which has this line that I relate to the most.

“But I've been broken since 11 (since 11). In my head, I can't hide all the rage. I keep silent. Gotta fix it on my own…… All I know- is I don’t know.” 

During this one year, I changed a lot and developed certain coping mechanisms. Writing poems is one of them.

So here I will talk about my journey, mostly through my poetry, consisting of a collection of poems- all related to my anxiety phase. As a writer, my sole purpose is to convey a message- “Please don’t give up. Times might get rough, life might seem tough, but don’t lose hope.”