March: The Beginning

It was in March 2022

When it felt as if the sky is no more blue.

I moved out to another city with a casket full of dreams

Then began the chaos and my head was full of screams.

I put an end to every communication

With the notion that it would take me to a peaceful destination.

Insomnia showed up, then, right at my door

And I began sleeping in the morning, usually after four.

I came to the stage of being vulnerable

There was no place I could feel comfortable.

Everything turned upside down

Nothing was in my control, I witnessed this with a frown.

I was losing my hope, I was losing my strength

To bring the old days back, I would have gone to any length.

So it was in March 2022

When the sky no more felt blue.

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Explanation:

If you have read The 3 Ws, you would know by now that March 2022 is the month when I began experiencing anxiety issues. It eventually turned severe and got persistent. So this poem aims at giving brief sequential information on what happened during that period and how the severity increased.

In March 2022, initially, I felt as if something was changing around me and within me. Here, the line “Sky is no more blue” has symbolism. The colour “Blue” represents imagination, freedom, sensitivity, wisdom, confidence, stability, faith, intelligence, and a lot more. So the particular phrase, altogether, symbolises that I could feel as if the world around me was changing as if it was about to fall. All the stability, confidence, and wisdom that I had, was affected somehow all of a sudden. And nothing was making sense.

Since it was all new, I did not accept it and told myself that it might be a mere overthinking.

I had shifted to another city for my college, and I went there with a lot of plans to execute and dreams to achieve, but when I began experiencing a change in my mental health, all my dreams felt meaningless. There was chaos, a thousand questions and different voices screaming in my head- all at once.

Slowly I began cutting off from people (I put an end to every communication) thinking that it might give me some peace.

I failed there. It was followed by insomnia which affected my entire day’s schedule. Usually, I could not sleep until 4 or even 6 am in the morning. This is when I actually realised how vulnerable I had turned and there was nothing that comforted me at that time.

Everything went haywire and throughout this, I was confused about what was happening. I was losing all my hope and courage. Every day I wished to get my old days back as it felt easier back then. And finally, I realized that things within me had completely changed. I did not feel confident, I lost my faith in a lot of things, and my mental stability was gone. It was a new beginning- a destructive one.

So, it was in March 2022 When the sky no more felt blue.